How good is your uncommon common sense?

Puzzled by the title of the post? You might be wondering what the hell this “Uncommon” common sense is? And, if its uncommon then why it would anyway be considered as a common sense?

Well.. I believe, there are two components to the common sense. First is the common component, which is really common in almost all of us. While the second component, the uncommon component is a blessing that very few of us have got.

Actually, I had developed this belief in my high school days because of one very small incident. In my high school days in Navodaya Vidyalaya, we had to stay in the hostel. We would get to watch movies if there was some special occasion or some good movie was out. At that time the movie “Raja Hindustani” was doing quite well and all the students wanted to watch that movie. With our Principal’s permission, we rented the video cassette for this movie and all of us gathered in the community hall to watch the movie. The school’s TV set was out of order and our principal was generous enough to provide us with his TV set. As I was a school captain at that time, it was my responsibility to organize all this. We got the TV in the hall, connected the VCR. As the TV was off, I pushed the TV knob to turn it on. But it did not. I tried different ways like pushing it again, rotating it clockwise and anticlockwise etc. without any help. Everyone around tried his hand at the TV to switch it on and no one could. Finally, I rushed to the Principal’s home and informed him that there is some problem with the TV and its not working. Principal also asked us the very common questions like is the TV cable plugged? is the power on? Did you check the main switch on the TV? When I told him that we have tried almost everything we could think of, he also got worried and rushed to the hall. The first thing he did was, he pulled the TV knob and bingo!! The TV turned on immediately.

After that incident, I realized that even though one can apply his common sense to most of the things, there are some “seemingly normal” things where one has to apply his uncommon common sense. What I mean is, one can still apply the common sense to these things, its just that the way of thinking or the perspective needs to be a bit different. All we had to do to turn on the TV was to just pull the knob. All of us all the things but pulling. I call this as the uncommon common sense. May be few people call it thinking out of the box or lateral thinking or what not..

In the course of time, I seemed to have forgotten this uncommonness of the common sense. But a similar incident happened to me today. And these memories came afresh in my mind…

Today, I was the last person leaving the office. Our office has a burglar alarm that needs to be switched on before locking the main office door. The alarm can not be switched on until all the other doors are closed and locked. As one of the doors was open, I pulled it in and locked it. But somehow it was not locked properly and the alarm was showing the warning that the door is not locked. When I tried to unlock that door, I could not unlock it. I again tried all the possible ways to unlock it that I could think of without any help. Unfortunately, I always locked the doors, never opened any of them. (Never happened to reach first to the office .. ). So finally, I had to call someone from our office downstairs for help. He unlocked and locked the door again. I had to ask that guy, how can I unlock it? He told me that I have to just pull in the lock a bit and then rotate it to unlock. And to my frustration, I once again did not try to pull…

Well.. I am still optimistic about myself as I also believe that this uncommon common sense can be developed. But one really has to keep his eyes (I would say, all senses) open, be a little curious about things and also learn from his mistakes!!

Women are really from Venus!!

Lately, I have been reading the book – "Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus" by John Gray. I think this book really helps one understand the difference in the way men and women think. I am not yet finished with this book, but I generalized the things for myself. From my perspective, Men say what they mean and women say what they do not mean! Well, I know this may invite a few arguments.. but hey this is what I think.

Let me elaborate on my perspective. I think that men usually say things exactly the way they are. To understand what a man is saying, you can almost go by the literal meaning of the words. This is due to the fact that men share information. Whereas to understand what a woman is saying, you have to keep in mind that women usually generalize things. Women share emotions not information. So when a woman is saying something, simply try to apply the generalized emotion to the specific instance.

While reading the book, some of the incidents that had happened to me come afresh in my mind and I realized the blunders I had made at those times.

A couple of months back, one of my friend’s was very upset with me. She was saying that I do not have heart, emotions and everyone out there is a professional. I somehow managed to get the things in control and tried my best to improvise. The reason for her being upset was, when I was supposed to share her emotions, I was sharing my information and offering her solutions in a typical Martian style.. This is while reading the book I realized that what a blunder I had made at that time. And now I wish, I would have read this book before that incident..

Many times my mother (well, we are only 2 in our family right now) tells me that no one loves her.. no one cares for her.. and every time she would say this, I used to wonder and used to offer her explanations, again in the typical Martian style.. She would say this, every time I would not talk to her or would not pay attention to what she was saying. At all those times, I used to be tense and used to go in my cave as a typical Martian does. And she in her Venusian style used to talk to me or ask me questions to help me relieve my stress.. and this used to cause me more stress..

Anyway, after reading this book and understanding the fundamental difference in the way men and women think, I hope to handle the relations better!!

The meaning of enjoyment..

Actually, I have written this post a few days back.. But I was not sure if wanted to publish it as it is very personal in nature. But finally I decided to take the plunge and here you go…

I never used to enjoy anything.. and I also used to feel guilty after doing something for myself!!

People around me seemed to feel that I am enjoying things. I think, I had become a fabulous actor in pretending that I am enjoying stuff and I am very happy. No one ever doubted that I am all alone despite having so much rush around me.. and I guess that’s the certificate of my acting abilities.. I had become so habitual to putting on the enjoying or happy looking mask that I even forgot that its ok to be sad, its ok to not to enjoy things when others are enjoying and above all I even forgot that its ok to do something for myself without feeling guilty. Being happy always, being the source of motivation or being the supporting voice for everyone had become the obligation for me. Over the years I seemed to have lost my right to express my sadness, loneliness feelings.. Everyone would come to me, share his/her feelings, problems and would expect some solution from me.. but no one ever realized that I have problems too.. I also need someone to help me, support me. I always needed someone, who could just say, go fight, I am with you.. Do not worry if you loose, I will still be with you..

The result, I had become too cautious, I almost lost the ability to take risks, I started feeling guilty for doing things for myself and above all I stopped enjoying things and become kind of introvert. I had spent quite a few days or even months in such a situation.. I was in depression and still no body knew.. no one ever realized.. I guess I have learnt this art from my father.. He always used to seem happy to others no matter how worse the conditions are.. He suffered three accidents in his short life of 45 years.. Many times he used to be in immense pain.. but for others in our family, the patients (he was a doctor) he immediately would get off the bed and treat them smilingly.. I used to wonder where his immense pain has gone.. and I witnessed quite a few such moments.. One of the greatest things he taught me was to fight until the last breathe.. And this helped me break the shackles of depression. I came out strong and with the willpower to fight without anyone’s support. I learnt to find solace with myself. I learnt to motivate myself and others around me. And I developed the “never say die” attitude..

Its after getting the job, I learnt to take calculated risks. I learnt that its ok to make mistakes, just you need to learn from them and avoid them the next time. I realized that my opinion is important and I learnt to voice my opinion, I realized that I am worth something, I learnt to respect myself. And its all because of the great bosses I have got..

But its after coming to Switzerland and with my friend’s help, I started understanding the meaning of enjoyment. I realized that to enjoy you do not need anything big or significant. One can enjoy simply by spending time with oneself, chatting with friends, doing something one loves doing and many more such things..

I guess, its not that I was not enjoying things.. my definition of enjoyment was wrong or I have not correctly understood what enjoyment really is.. Now, I have started enjoying many things like cooking, chatting with friends, photography, the beautiful climate here, my work and many other things..

Actually, I am now learning to enjoy every moment of my life and that too without feeling guilty!!

Do I deserve it?

The opening page of my personal diary reads:

“You get what you deserve! If you want to get more, then first deserve more..”.

Ok, let me first admit that I planned to write a few important incidents in my life in that diary. The purpose was to learn something from those incidents. I wanted to learn about how my mind, my thought process works in different scenarios. Hence the plan was to analyze the incident at least twice.. immediately after it has happened and after a few days when I will be in neutral state of mind. Well, that did not really work out for me as I was unable to get some personal time, where I can do something without anyone’s interference or any disturbance.

When I came to know that I will be going to Switzerland, self-discovery was one of the points which I had on my list of things to do in Switzerland. Oh.. I seem to be drifting away from the topic. Let me get back on track!

In my engineering days, somewhere I had read this statement – “You get what you deserve!” and since then this sentence has had a profound impact on my life. The “Do I deserve it?” question is the result of this statement. Whenever something happens to me, does not matter if its good or bad, I simply ask myself “Do I really deserve it?”.

This question makes me introspect myself.. It makes me aware about the things I have achieved, the things I still have not achieved. I start thinking about ways to improve my skills, be more deserving..

The habit of questioning myself, also helps me in avoiding the reaction and give me a chance to formulate a good, meaningful response to the incident.. Avoiding a reaction is very important, as when you react there is a good chance that you can actually worsen the things rather than improvise them. I have realized that, under the influence of the incident our mind works in a way favorable to us. That is, when something good happens to us, mind makes us think that “you got it because you deserved it!” and for something bad it makes us think that “you are not getting what you deserve!”. When the mind is under influence, it safely forgets to consider or ignores the other neutral or unfavorable aspects. That is why the second, neutral introspection is necessary. I usually ensure that, I act after this second introspection, which gives me a fair chance of acting correctly.

I have been practicing this thing quite from a while now. But I still tend to react in certain cases and also my both introspections still do not match in most of the cases. Its been a big challenge for me and I guess, I still have miles to go….

Now the golden question, why do I do this? The answer is simple, I always want to ensure that I am getting what I deserve and the reverse as well.. I do not like getting what I do not deserve, as I think that there is someone who is more deserving than me and he must get his due!

Many times I have seen people complaining about things.. most often their point is – they have got less than what they deserve.. be it personal life, job or anything else.. the inference is the same. People seem to be getting less than what they deserve. And then I wonder, as most of the times I feel that, I have got what or even more than what I deserve. I am curious why this is the case.. if someone has any answer, I am all ears!!

Importance of focus..

A few days back, I was chatting with my friends about the problems they are facing in their professional life. I realized that the problems are moreover the same and while thinking about the root causes I stumbled upon the much coveted word “Focus”. From my perspective, lack of focus is one of the major causes for being unsuccessful in achieving your goals.

The irony is, focus is one of the most fundamental things that we have learnt in our childhood. The experiment of the magnifying glass and the piece of paper came afresh in my mind. (I guess, almost everyone is familiar with this experiment) And more often than not, we forget this fundamental thing.

In the truest sense, focus means concentrating some kind of energy on a particular thing, like the paper in the magnifying glass example. So to achieve your goals, you have to start with one and focus all your energy on it unless it is achieved.  I have realized that, many of us either do not focus on anything (no clear goals) or tend to focus on so many things. We usually see others doing some stuff, which they are great at and mastered that art over time. We wish to master that thing and start our efforts. But, then we see another guy doing something else and he is simply fabulos as he had also mastered the art over the time. So we again start learning that thing as well. The end result… (well you can guess now) This quote from anonymous says it all..

“If you chase two rabbits, both will escape.”

I am not saying that one should not learn other things or should not be open for other stuff. The point here is to focus on one thing at a time and having once achieved that moving on to the next.

Having said this, other things are equally important as well. Lets consider, if someone tries the magnifying glass experiment in moon light or if the piece of paper is replaced by something thicker. Can you imagine the outcome? Following Anthony Robbins quote helps a bit in that..

“It’s not what’s happening to you now or what has happened in your past that determines who you become. Rather, it’s your decisions about what to focus on, what things mean to you, and what you’re going to do about them that will determine your ultimate destiny.”

I usually advise my friends to change their perspective and start afresh. But our mind does not allow us to. The memories of past clog our mind so much that most of us simply prefer maintaining the status-quo. Therefore it is very important to understand that its better to be late than never. And amongst those who dare to start afresh, again are clueless about what to focus on. They either focus on each and every trivial thing or focus on something that is very abstract or very difficult to achieve or something they do not have skills for. The point here i want to emphasize is, you should be well aware of your capabilities, the importance of the things you are focussing on and the (intensity of) desire you have for achieving that thing. So before starting out afresh, you must conduct a self awareness test which can help you understand what you really want, do you have the required skills and desire?

We also tend to expect the results very fast. So we sometimes again start loosing our focus. I think following few things might help one in staying focussed:

1. Share your goals with someone or at the least write them down on the paper and promise yourself to keep on looking at that paper time and again.

2. Choose a mentor and discuss the things you want to achieve. Decide to have frequent reviews with him to ensure that you are on the right track.

3. Keep in the company of passionate or highly motivated people. All these people are very focused on something they want to achieve.

4. And last but the most important thing is to put in your sincere efforts. Merely saying things or planning them does not do any wonders. One has to act on them.

Divide and conquer

Sometimes i just love to do a few things at my own. Though its a good thing, at the workplace it frequently causes problems. A few days back, once again i was a victim of my own habit..

We had a release that day. And I had some work to finish up as it was needed to go in that release. Though trivial, i had to make changes to all the screens of the application currently i was working on. I thought i would be able to finish it up in some 5-6 hours and will have enough time to test it too. So i decided to do all the things myself instead of delegating some of the work to my colleagues. But it took me much more time than what i had estimated. And the entire team stayed in office till late night to ensure that the release goes smoothly.

Our client also scolded me for not informing him in time that we will not be able to finish up the things.

Though we managed to do the release on the same day, i had a few hard lessons to learn from.

1. When you have a tight schedule always try to divide the work into pieces and delegate those individual pieces within your team.

2. Always keep aside a couple of hours as a cover as some tasks may take more time than what was estimated.