A first skiing experience..

Yesterday, along with a big group of Cognizant and Satyam people, I went to Flumserberg for skiing.. Flumserberg is one of the biggest and affordable winter sports resort in the eastern part of Switzerland and is located between Chur and Zurich. One can reach Flumserberg in a couple of ways. One can either get there by public transport (train / buses) or even drive directly by car or taxi. Flumserberg has something for everyone. There are a couple of steep slopes for the expert skiers, a few moderate slopes for the intermediate skiers and a couple of simple slopes for the beginners.

All of us were supposed to gather at Zurich HB at around 9.45 AM and take a 10.12 AM train to Unterterzen. Besides a few people missing the train, we were pretty much as per the plan. From Zurich HB, it was an hour’s smooth and enjoyable journey to Unterterzen from where we took the aerial cable cars (gondola) to reach the top of the mountain i.e. Flumserberg. The cable car station is located exactly in front of the train station and one can get there easily by following the directions. (I am simply in love with Switzerland for its systematization.)

From the aerial cable car one can get a breathtaking view of the lake of Walenstadt down until the lake of Zurich on one side and the snowy mountains on the other. You can see quite a few chalets on your way up. If a family or a group is planning to spend a couple of days, its a good idea to book the chalets well in advance rather than staying in the expensive hotels.

After reaching to Flumserberg we had a small meal and then we were all set for the fun! We rented the skiing equipments and got a ski-teacher as almost all of us were beginners. He taught us a few basics of skiing and asked us to practice the basics. I think its a good idea to hire a personal teacher or a teacher for a small group rather than hiring a single teacher for a large group. This way you get the personal attention and you can learn skiing much faster.

We practiced the basics for a few hours till we could not handle it. Though all of us were drained out of energy, we were energized by mind and resolved to visit the place again for getting some advanced lessons.

From the last couple of days I was emotionally stressed so I was in two minds about going out for skiing.. But thank god, I decided to go with the hope of cheering myself up out of the stress.. And I was not simply destressed but even forgot all my worries or dare I say, I forgot the rest of the world and just enjoyed skiing.

All in all, it indeed turned out to be a life enriching experience!

The meaning of enjoyment..

Actually, I have written this post a few days back.. But I was not sure if wanted to publish it as it is very personal in nature. But finally I decided to take the plunge and here you go…

I never used to enjoy anything.. and I also used to feel guilty after doing something for myself!!

People around me seemed to feel that I am enjoying things. I think, I had become a fabulous actor in pretending that I am enjoying stuff and I am very happy. No one ever doubted that I am all alone despite having so much rush around me.. and I guess that’s the certificate of my acting abilities.. I had become so habitual to putting on the enjoying or happy looking mask that I even forgot that its ok to be sad, its ok to not to enjoy things when others are enjoying and above all I even forgot that its ok to do something for myself without feeling guilty. Being happy always, being the source of motivation or being the supporting voice for everyone had become the obligation for me. Over the years I seemed to have lost my right to express my sadness, loneliness feelings.. Everyone would come to me, share his/her feelings, problems and would expect some solution from me.. but no one ever realized that I have problems too.. I also need someone to help me, support me. I always needed someone, who could just say, go fight, I am with you.. Do not worry if you loose, I will still be with you..

The result, I had become too cautious, I almost lost the ability to take risks, I started feeling guilty for doing things for myself and above all I stopped enjoying things and become kind of introvert. I had spent quite a few days or even months in such a situation.. I was in depression and still no body knew.. no one ever realized.. I guess I have learnt this art from my father.. He always used to seem happy to others no matter how worse the conditions are.. He suffered three accidents in his short life of 45 years.. Many times he used to be in immense pain.. but for others in our family, the patients (he was a doctor) he immediately would get off the bed and treat them smilingly.. I used to wonder where his immense pain has gone.. and I witnessed quite a few such moments.. One of the greatest things he taught me was to fight until the last breathe.. And this helped me break the shackles of depression. I came out strong and with the willpower to fight without anyone’s support. I learnt to find solace with myself. I learnt to motivate myself and others around me. And I developed the “never say die” attitude..

Its after getting the job, I learnt to take calculated risks. I learnt that its ok to make mistakes, just you need to learn from them and avoid them the next time. I realized that my opinion is important and I learnt to voice my opinion, I realized that I am worth something, I learnt to respect myself. And its all because of the great bosses I have got..

But its after coming to Switzerland and with my friend’s help, I started understanding the meaning of enjoyment. I realized that to enjoy you do not need anything big or significant. One can enjoy simply by spending time with oneself, chatting with friends, doing something one loves doing and many more such things..

I guess, its not that I was not enjoying things.. my definition of enjoyment was wrong or I have not correctly understood what enjoyment really is.. Now, I have started enjoying many things like cooking, chatting with friends, photography, the beautiful climate here, my work and many other things..

Actually, I am now learning to enjoy every moment of my life and that too without feeling guilty!!

Do I deserve it?

The opening page of my personal diary reads:

“You get what you deserve! If you want to get more, then first deserve more..”.

Ok, let me first admit that I planned to write a few important incidents in my life in that diary. The purpose was to learn something from those incidents. I wanted to learn about how my mind, my thought process works in different scenarios. Hence the plan was to analyze the incident at least twice.. immediately after it has happened and after a few days when I will be in neutral state of mind. Well, that did not really work out for me as I was unable to get some personal time, where I can do something without anyone’s interference or any disturbance.

When I came to know that I will be going to Switzerland, self-discovery was one of the points which I had on my list of things to do in Switzerland. Oh.. I seem to be drifting away from the topic. Let me get back on track!

In my engineering days, somewhere I had read this statement – “You get what you deserve!” and since then this sentence has had a profound impact on my life. The “Do I deserve it?” question is the result of this statement. Whenever something happens to me, does not matter if its good or bad, I simply ask myself “Do I really deserve it?”.

This question makes me introspect myself.. It makes me aware about the things I have achieved, the things I still have not achieved. I start thinking about ways to improve my skills, be more deserving..

The habit of questioning myself, also helps me in avoiding the reaction and give me a chance to formulate a good, meaningful response to the incident.. Avoiding a reaction is very important, as when you react there is a good chance that you can actually worsen the things rather than improvise them. I have realized that, under the influence of the incident our mind works in a way favorable to us. That is, when something good happens to us, mind makes us think that “you got it because you deserved it!” and for something bad it makes us think that “you are not getting what you deserve!”. When the mind is under influence, it safely forgets to consider or ignores the other neutral or unfavorable aspects. That is why the second, neutral introspection is necessary. I usually ensure that, I act after this second introspection, which gives me a fair chance of acting correctly.

I have been practicing this thing quite from a while now. But I still tend to react in certain cases and also my both introspections still do not match in most of the cases. Its been a big challenge for me and I guess, I still have miles to go….

Now the golden question, why do I do this? The answer is simple, I always want to ensure that I am getting what I deserve and the reverse as well.. I do not like getting what I do not deserve, as I think that there is someone who is more deserving than me and he must get his due!

Many times I have seen people complaining about things.. most often their point is – they have got less than what they deserve.. be it personal life, job or anything else.. the inference is the same. People seem to be getting less than what they deserve. And then I wonder, as most of the times I feel that, I have got what or even more than what I deserve. I am curious why this is the case.. if someone has any answer, I am all ears!!